I dont know

I don't know that after for so long, I am still in pain.

I realised that I have been lying to myself that I have already moved on... But I don't...
Up til now... I only know the meaning of pains from all those betrayals. I don't know how to describe it, I only know it's a great torment for me. Just by a snap of fingers when I opened up, that someone who somehow managed to open and unlock it, crashed it down and trample those hopeful dreams. I am so tired to face all these. Really... It's not as easy to describe by words. It's as if my heart is being stab by a knife over and over again and that knife...., it's ever-lasting sharpness keep on going...stabbing me right through, at my very heart.

The name of the country... I can never say it out. As it only brings me pain. It only reminding me of that place, where I supposed to be settled down and live happily ever after. But... no... it's not going anywhere.

I just hope that my projects on hand now, is my only hope to life. As for other things... I don't dare to think of it. I don't have a happy home to stay in, already and I have enough, thinking about another painful thing. I truly only hope that I am on my way to happiness, though it's seems very far; out of reach... I hope I will get there..... someday..... somehow.

For now, other than being hopeful... I only know... I am in Pain...