22nd July 2008 - Cloudy

I was known as mighty mouse in the past or chilli padi.

As I grew older (I turn 27 this weekend), I realized I have more responsibilities in my life. I supposedly have a stable job and steady career. I suppose to be strong @ this moment of life. After going through ups and downs, I should be able to go through each and every difficulties I've faced, especially when it comes to relationships.

My friends told me, I am a strong girl, who can get through anything. I fell but I will stand up again. But when it comes to relationship, I always get beatened. And worst, it affects my other areas of my life.

True...

This is the only thing, that I have yet to learn still.

I'm not sure about myself. But I know there is one thing about me... I always afraid of getting hurt. When it comes to relationship, I always so committed and maybe, unfortunately, trust him fully. Relationship after another, I never learnt. I still want to put trust in my relationship, however I always let my fears run wild that it will destroy my relationship.

In relationship, I learnt many things. I did hurt others, I changed, I made wrong choices. That's when I told myself that, I will take my time to think and choose properly before I hurt others and myself.

I finally with someone that I truly love and he will never be the one, whom I wanna hurt. I told myself that I will protect him at whatever cost. For him, I want to build a home. I can no longer be someone who never think about my own future and career. I am already in a place where I should prepare myself to the next level in life. I know that I want to be someone he can be proud of. I want to be someone who can take care of her family at the same time do well in her career. Thats why I am working hard right now; making sure whatever things I do in my job, I can see myself climbing up and I want to take care of myself well, so I can take care of him, parents, His parents and for my futures; my children.

All these years, as a chilli padi or mighty mouse; I'm known as someone who has no patience, bad tempered and never give in. I know these. I have no absolute patience to people around me and easily throw tantrum. Especially, in relationships. Well, I used to be extremely pampered.

But as years goes by, I have learnt to look at things in many different angles. I have learnt to endure in every circumstances. Someone have taught me well. He taught me; not to jump into conclusions when some bad situations arise. He taught me to read people well and read every details of different situations. He taught me to calm down and think of solutions instead of thinking of problems. He taught me how to be a gd leader. He taught me not to shout at people without finding out the truth. He taught me how to analyze.

I applied what my dad taught me in every areas of my life. In work and in relationship. i admit that I still have my temper. And i got agitated easily at times. But I know the change is visible. Even in relationship, I know how to give in. Well, I didn't even know these 'til one of my friends of 10 years felt strange. At my previous work, my so called boss had asked me to assist him on managing people. Not something great, however I am very happy to have such achievement, finally. To me, it's a big jump and its an achievement to me and it drives me to work harder.

In relationship, my dad taught me to have a great communication. He taught me not to leave problems til tomorrow. He taught me to listen. He said, once a couple able to sit down and communicate when they face a problem and settle it down with a light hearted, despite of anger, things will be fine. Accumulating anger will only induce accumulating hatred towards each other and in the end of the day, the relationship turns weak.

I used to shout, slam my phone and refused to talk, which kills my relationship. However, now... whenever I do face quarrels, I choose to calm down, try to listen calmly and resolve the problem and not forgetting to forget the next day once it's solves. I stop using my "shout and slam" method. And I realize that I am happier in a way. Many problems resolved easily. It works perfectly well, especially in my work too. And I have seen a lot of progress in this area. I was named strategist... by one of the facilitators in Stand Chart Bank. I was contented.

My dad told me over and over again and never once stop telling me... yet, "Don't give up easily. Be patience. Be cool and you will find a lot easier in dealing problems. Be it at work or relationship. I'll be a lot happier ."

I know I have done it. Successfully. And I am waiting to go on to the next stage of my life. I know... no matter what I do, life is all about learning processes. Not only work... but life.